did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
