its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
