Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
