so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
