I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
