The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
