you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
