I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
