just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
