I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
