Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
