so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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