Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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