Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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