Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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