Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
