Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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