You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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