I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
