My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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