I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
