his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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