I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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