am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
