Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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