YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
