I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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