you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
