His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
