THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
