Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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