I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
