Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
