But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
