I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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