oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im holly from the hills drunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
