My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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