Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
