I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
