Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
