You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
