it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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