Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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