it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bring me that man meat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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