I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
