i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
