so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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