This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
