Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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