FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
