how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
