The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
