I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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