His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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