puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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