My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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