So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
